Worst Cost Saving Tips Ever

By Mark Arnold, Managing Director, MSK Global

In providing advice and support services to small companies, we often see some truly silly ways to save money. Here are some of the most amusing ways to cut costs. Don’t try any of these at work!

  1. Steam the un-franked stamps off your post
    Many postage stamps do not actually get franked, and can be steamed off and reused using an electric kettle.Then with a sponge, glue and a little patience you can save many pence off your outgoing mail cost.Ideal for busy CEOs.

  2. Refill the water cooler from a tap
    Bottled water costs are an unnecessary overhead.Cancel your contract, and take the empty bottle round the corner to a kitchen tap.Remember the cost savings as you mop up the mess.

  3. Limit every phone call to under one minute
    Simple behaviour changes can save you a fortune on ponderous and chatty calls. Instruct staff to talk a little faster, interrupt the other party when they go off on a tangent and do away with the pleasantries. Verbose employees may need a pay-phone installed at their desk and should bring their own small change.

  4. Replace subsidised gym-membership with less air conditioning
    With your employees’ health and weight a key priority, try introducing ‘corporate sweat zones’ for a few weeks every summer. By turning off the air conditioning in mid-summer, and shutting down the lifts, employees can loose weight as they work.

  5. Start a ‘red hot’ desk policy
    Office space is an expensive commodity, and employees rarely fully utilise their desks through the working day.To up utilisation rates, cut the number of desks by half and enforce toilet break, coffee break, cigarette break and water-cooler break rotas to keep seats rotating. Try to encourage orderly queuing for vacant desks, rather than an undignified scrum to get seated.

  6. Charge managers for the corner office
    Create a sense of fairness at work by offering premium office space (the window seats, corner office etc) to the highest bidder.We suggest a daily auction to keep the prices high.

  7. Turn down the lights
    Utility bills are often overlooked for potential cost savings. Install timers on all the lights in your office so they go off after 2 minutes. For health & safety you may need to equip employees with hard hats and miner torches to navigate the cubicles.

  8. Take your own advice
    Professional services are very costly, and with a lower income there should be fewer invoices to add up.Tax, litigation and cross-border VAT – how hard can it be?

  9. Go by bus
    Get rid of your company cars and save on the environment as well. Simple travel planners like http://www.google.com/transit can help you negotiate the 20 connections you’ll need to get to your meeting.Do make it clear to employees that walking or cycling are also permitted options.

  10. Cut back on computers
    We all know how much time gets wasted playing Solitaire and drifting on the internet. So try going back to a pen and paper for your business correspondence and a good old cash ledger.

  11. Replace your staff with monkeys
    As commodity food prices drop around the world, paying peanuts is a very attractive option. Productive primates can be great team workers, after some small changes to your corporate dress and incentive policies.

  12. Get mediaeval with your marketing
    The price of securing prime exposure on Facebook has leaped up this year.So take advantage of falling prices at hand-operated printing presses, and go for more substantial, leather-bound marketing materials.Try title variations on the following theme:‘A treatise on the Importance of Acme Cellular Communication Device Power Supplies for the improvement of General Happiness and the lowering of Unit Costs.’

For more serious cost saving ideas (and some practical tips), please read MSK Global’s Top 30 cost saving tips or visit MSKGlobal.com for simple advice on how to improve profits at your business.